The things I share in my blog come from my personal time with Jesus and the things I learn and experience daily. Sometimes they are quite random. More often than not, they may seem sporadic or off topic (like me). But they are always led and guided by my walk with Jesus and therefore have a significant impact in my life, and I hope in others through this blog. Here is where I was this morning:
I jump around a little too much. I was juggling reading multiple different books at once while trying the Experiencing God workbook and 3 other devotionals at the same time. My excuse is a great one.. I am just seeking God in every place I can think to look. I want consultation in everything I do. I am so hungry for what He has to say to me. I want His will and His way on this journey. It’s not my life, it’s His and I am seeking His guidance. I’m soaking up every bit of Him I can find around me.
But too much jumping around can leave you confused and frustrated. Generally God links what I read in my devotions, in my study time, and in my personal reading time. It’s amazing how He does it! But Thursday I found myself getting very confused with all that I was reading. I was struggling with the question “Has following Jesus cost you anything?”
I thought about that deeply and my immediate answer was no. I sit here and think about what I’ve “given up” or “sacrificed” and I can’t think of much, if anything. But then I thought about it a little deeper and I realize that when I made the decision to give my life back, to follow Him, I gave up everything I knew. I gave up my old friends, my way of life, my habits, my comforts, people incredibly close to me… I really did give up a lot! My life is 100% different than it was 8 months ago. I’m not even the same girl. But it doesn’t feel like it! So I was struggling with the idea that following Jesus had to hurt. Like it needed to feel like I was sacrificing.
I called a good friend for help on the matter. He has the answer but of course wanted me to find it out for my own. Typical.
I was really struggling with the frustration and confusion. Did I give up enough? Do I need to give up more? Why didn’t I feel as if I had given up as much as I had? How much was enough?
And this morning I began asking more questions while going through the Experiencing God series. I am planning to sell much of what I own to pay for the World Race trip that I am taking. I will leave my friends and family for about a year to go around the country spreading the gospel. That is giving right? I’m giving of myself, my time, my money, my things….
But the answer to this is not an objective answer. It’s not a simple yes or no if you’ve reached “this limit.” It is a heart condition. If my question revolves around “is this enough” then the answer will always be no. It’s not enough. If that is the question then my heart is not in the right place. And I realized again how desperately important a constant walk with Jesus is.
I was reminded that if you go your own way for one day, for one minute even, you will take so many steps away from Him that you won’t even realize how far you walked. It is a constant battle to keep Satan from pulling you in different directions.
So my conclusion for today: walk with Jesus. Every day, every hour, every minute. Everything else falls in sync when you’re walking with Him and in His will.
John 12:26 Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant will also be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
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