Praise in the Storm

Many of you know that Thursday was incredibly hard for me. I received the news that I wasn’t accepted for the World Race team. It was a truly devastating blow.

Now that I’m sitting here remembering the content of my day, I have to be honest, it wasn’t that bad of a day. I held so tight to Jesus, speaking to Him in short whispered prayers literally all day, that it was hard to actually have a bad day. It was quite incredible.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m disappointed. I had prayed so much over this. My friends and family prayed for me. It really seemed that God sent sign after sign. He opened door after door. He told me to have faith. And I went out on a limb and did it. And the next door was slammed in my face. A big fat “NO.” Sitting there in my car on the other side of that phone call, I was confused and hurt. Broken, really.

I had faith! I trusted! I prayed! What did I do wrong?!? And there lies the answer.

I. Me. Myself. 

It’s not about me. It’s not about what I can do. It’s about Jesus. It’s all about Jesus.

I don’t think God is closing the door to missions in my life. I don’t even know if He’s closing the door to the World Race. I just really think God wants me to stop being so self-reliant & self-centered. I mistake faith in God for faith in myself. I think He just wants to take all options, all roads, all plans away from me until I am literally stranded and crying out, open and desperate for His direction. I think He sees the passion and love for His people that I have and wants to strip all the fakery away, all the false trust, all the fluff, until I am left with only a genuine, unshakable trust and faith in Him. That is when we are able to be used in the greatest capacities. When we've completely emptied ourselves of us so we can be filled with Him and used in His miraculous and unfathomable ways.

Like I told my dad, it always seems that just as you start to see God working and moving and you think you see His angle, and just as you decide to jump on that bandwagon and “help” God make things move, He changes the plan. He doesn’t need you to see where He’s going. He doesn’t want you to see where He’s going. He wants you to trust and have faith and follow Him blindly. Otherwise, who gets the praise? Who gets the glory? We do. Not God.

And that defeats our purpose in existence.

Think about this: Our sole purpose is to glorify Him. We were created solely to glorify Him.

Revelation 4:11 - Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things and by your will they existed and were created.

So if I am doing things through my own strength and resources (although for a good cause), who is getting glory? I am. People are looking at me saying “Wow, what a good Christian.” “You’re doing great things for God.” 

In reality, God wants us to have no options, no plans, nowhere to turn but to Him. He wants to put the pieces of the puzzle together in a way that we could never have imagined on our own so that we can’t possibly get the glory, it all goes to Him. 

He wants us to truly have faith. 

So my 2 hardest battles currently: having TRUE faith & finding contentment in the hard times.

Real faith is difficult. It’s more than an attitude adjustment or a willing heart. It drags you through trials and tough times to see if you’ll break. Real faith is no joke. 

Contentment is also easier said than done, especially when God has given you a passion and then seemingly closed the door to it. It’s hard. But I know that I”m commanded to have faith and to be content, so that is what I’ll do.

I will praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands. You are who you are, no matter where I am. Every tear I cry, you hold in your hands. You never left my side. And though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm.